As gamers we have been labelled with two types of games by the outside world, that is to say when you say you like games they see you either playing Rockstar North’s Grand Theft Auto or Infinity Wards recent blockbuster Call of Duty: Modern Warfare . Now this is a biased view of the gaming industry, that basically means anyone who doesn’t play games see’s us as fifteen year old boys playing out sadistic fantasies while roaming the streets of Liberty City or an anonymous country somewhere in the middle east that if named will mean the death of all Infinity Ward employees who made Modern Warfare 2 (well apart from two). Gaming makes more money then films and appeals not to the geeky fifteen year olds who end up writing about games on the internet, it’s a hobby a passion if you will, one that appeals to all age groups but still we gamers are stuck with the social stigma of having little or no social life. Now this is usually the opinion of bored housewife’s, people with less social life’s, who’s husbands, sons AND daughters all play games, that is why is so strange that the Nintendo Wii outsold the more so-called hardcore consoles, the Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3, by selling to those same bored housewives who would have said owning a gaming console means you’re going to recreate the Columbine massacre.

So they despised all gaming until it was time to make for Nintendo to make its 1:1 scale model of Mt Fuji out of money and the only reason for this commercial success seems to be that you have to flail your arms about like an octopus on Ecstasy. So as the Wii made more money then a porn film starring Angelina Jolie it’s only understandable that Sony and Microsoft would want some of that market of the housewives, old and Paedophiles so they came up with their own motion control technology. Now they will be advertised under the name of Playstation Move and Kinect (Project Natal sounded cooler) and both will appear in numerous adverts on TV, radio and in the Move’s case on coke bottles.

So what makes each one worth spending twice as much as any new game, well that’s an easy question to answer, there isn’t, would Deus Ex have had the gameplay of cooking mama 3 if you used a controller instead of a mouse, NO! So why I insist must we go along with this as it’s all just a big puddle of piss (sorry for the rhymes) the controller is a perfectly adequate way of controlling your little 1’s and 0’s (I mean it’s kind of in the name) but no we have to get up off our sofa’s and dance for Microsoft’s pleasure. You see while the Move is unnecessary it still has a vain hope of working for one outstanding clear reason, buttons so you can sit on your arse eating M&M’s like people want to do with films, books and games. Now the world seems to think all we need to be living in the vision of the future is the get rid of buttons, what arbitrary silliness (Bull Fucking Shit for the less poetic of you), buttons are perfectly acceptable when it comes to playing a game or using a computer or watching TV. See the people at Xbox think that because they have the coolest idea all those housewives and paedophiles will but there product, now an orbital laser is the coolest WMD but when it comes to mass homicide a Nuke will win every time. The idea is that they will advertise the Kinect as being able to use your body as the controller and it can, not as they would have you believe, you see the Move and if you have the Wii motion plus use 1:1 motion capture, meaning if you knee yourself in the back so does the character but the Kinect doesn’t, you would have jump twice and twirl on the spot and so it’s basically a new way of pressing X’s and Y’s. Do not think however that the move will be perfect; while most reviews have come back positive the premise itself is flawed. Sony think that if you’re playing lets say Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood then you swinging your hand to make Ezio swing his sword this more immersive then just pressing the square button. This just isn’t the case, your brain can push that square button almost subconsciously when you think swing sword but if you have to move your whole arm then your brain has to work all the muscles and make sure you don’t smack anyone in the face during this process. Thus the motion control is far less immersive, rendering the whole thing pointless but if you do decide to get one of these contraptions I would recommend the playstation move as it seems to hold some promise but if you’re just getting it for a gimmick then the Kinect is for you. As while it is mostly useless for gaming I can see that’s the one most housewives and paedophiles will prefer as that’s the one both think will make children think they are cool, so well done Microsoft you are supporting paedophilia and judging from Project Milo and Kinectamals they really are trying to get children raped as soon as possible.